I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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