sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
