big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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