Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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