Your mouth is God's brothel.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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