marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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