Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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