I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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