but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
