Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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