The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
