I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
