i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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