Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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