I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
