Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
