I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
