it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
