He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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