I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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