I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
