they need to just BURY HIM!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
false alarm, still single
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
