Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
