it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
