Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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