He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
