You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize