That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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