You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize