The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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