you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
