Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
