So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
