dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
