Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So vagazzling was a success
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize