A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
