Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
