haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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