My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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