I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
