what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
