Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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