Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
