you traded sex for a burrito?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
