smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize