Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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