Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
