Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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