I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
