Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
