And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
