So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
