He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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