Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
