love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
