fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
