i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
