Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
