Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
