My boss' voice literally gives me gas
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
