you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
