That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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