moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
