What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize