hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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