i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
