I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
