if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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