and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
