I love black thongs
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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