don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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